Seventeen Years With Sophie

I am working on a big project: compiling all my memories of Sophie. I am sharing some of them with you. For those of you who do not know my late cousin Sophie, below is a cross-word I made on what would have been her eighteenth birthday. Those words briefly describe who she was, but there are many more words that one could add. Periwinkle is a word that she wanted to name her town (explained below). Walvis is what she said I should name my first kid....Maybe a middle name?

Sophie and I were exactly four months apart.

I still blink for pictures!

This is at Roseau River Bible Camp where she grew up and most of her life was involved in.

This is at the Steinbach Mennonite Heritage Village.

I remember when we were about four, we were sitting on Oma and Opa’s couch and she was reading me a book because she knew how to read and I did not. I asked her about it later and she said she was probably making the words up.

This is at our grandparent's small Bible camp when we were eight.

We were twelve here, at our grandparent's.

During the Build (which is the one word we use to describe the time we spent three months at our Oma and Opa's, building them a house in 2017) Sophie and I spent a considerable amount of time working around the outside of the house landscaping. We had many delightful conversations. Those months really grew our friendship. We created our own small prairie towns during that time. If it wasn't going to be named Periwinkle, hers was to be Tiddlywinks. Mine I lamely called Bennet.

This is one small scene that sticks clearly in my memory from the Build: Toward the end, Sophie and I were at the house with Oma, the aunties, and the little kids for lunch. We had been there to help with baking or packing in the morning. We were having spaghetti and spaghetti sauce. A large pan of the stuff had gone to the Build and we did not have enough for us all to eat. After we had had some chocolate cake, I said, “I’m still hungry.” One of the little kids teased, “You’re only saying that to get more cake!” I protested, and Sophie said, “When you are actually hungry, you don’t care what you eat.” How true that is!

In the winter of 2018 we both got interested in WWII, but she more so.

In the fall of 2018, Sophie came for a photo shoot we had been planning for for weeks. We spent the afternoon walking around our property, looking at clothes and at different props. That evening we also listened to several songs for the slideshow.

The next day we spent all day taking photos in three different outfits, with my younger sister as our photographer. In the late afternoon we started sorting pictures, and she was being so compliant that I got annoyed. Why couldn’t she have a bit more push-back and not agree with me so much?

At sunset we went out to the field again to take silhouette pictures. We were both wearing cowboy outfits. We walked toward the horizon beside each other, and then my younger sister told us to hold hands. At the time I thought that was awkward, but now I wish I could at least do that.

We spent many hours discussing the homeschool conference we attended every March. The subject also came up quite a bit in our letters.

We took many walks together at our grandparent's.

Fall 2019 we took driver's ed at the same time but at different schools. In every letter and every time we saw each other we compared notes on our classmates, instructor, driving and how to not stick out like a sore thumb, but not entirely fit in.

From 2019-2021 we did a lot of snowboarding with our cousins at Holiday Mountain. I mostly rode the chairlift with Sophie because she was so enjoyable to talk to.

She was quite fast, going straight down the hill, but I took my time and she was always waiting for me at the bottom of the hill, by the trees.

One time I did not get off the chairlift on time. Sophie got off, and while I went around the track, not knowing what my fate would be, she started shouting to the guy manning the lift at the top of the hill and she told me a little girl in a purple jacket started yelling to the guy too. She said, “I like that little girl.” Later that day, the same lifty at the top would tease us by slowing down the lift every time we came along. I was really annoyed, but Sophie got a kick out of it.

Another time at the bottom of the lift, the guy said to Sophie, “If you want at the end I could show you some jumps.” Without thinking she replied, “Sure!” Immediately once we were on our way, she said, “What on earth! Did I just agree to that?” For the next several runs we both tried to casually look at his name tag to get his name. It was Harley.

This is after the ceremony at my brother's wedding. This picture reminds me of a time a few years ago when I noted that several of us in the family have one tooth in the front on the right side that is slightly crooked. I am so bad! When I saw that Sophie had it, I told her. She snapped her mouth shut and said (probably with her hand in front of her mouth), "I'm really self conscious about my teeth now." She was often quite self conscious about a lot of things, and other times surprisingly bold.

Right after the wedding, the family spent a few days camping. One day Sophie had spent almost all day wrapped in a blanket. She was feeling okay, but remained quiet most of the camping trip.

We walked to the bathroom together. As we went along, she looked at her fingers and remarked, “I wonder if there is a way that one can remove the hair from their fingers. Maybe you could bleach or wax or use chemicals on them.” I cannot remember her exact wording. Only Sophie would randomly think of that!

Later us cousins had gone to the park to play volleyball. Sophie was really distant from the group.

She walked along the beach by herself. I really wanted to go walk with her, but was not sure if I would disturb her.

Eventually I went over and quietly joined her. We walked slowly and got into a discussion about music. We walked on a bunch of trails that no one had gone on much, and made it back to the campsite with the others.

Our family went on a ski trip in January 2021and took Acacia, another cousin and a friend along with us. When we got home, their families were waiting at our house to pick them up. We got in the door, and then they all did. When Sophie walked in, I was so shocked! She was wearing a bright orange Reese's hoodie!

A few weeks later, we had the Goertzen family over for a fun winter day. Again, I was shocked at those girls' hair! They changed their styles so frequently and more drastically than I ever expected.

In early spring, 2021, I got my mom to drop me off at Sophie’s workplace, which was the co-op in St. Malo. I was a bit early, so I wandered around the store wondering where she was. I peered into the back staff room and saw her black jacket hanging there, so I stopped second guessing myself that she was there.

Then a voice from behind me said, “Oh, hey!” I turned and there she was, walking past me, dressed in her uniform. I was surprised again to see her short blond hair. She said, “I’ll be right out.” She got a text from her mom asking her to pick up cake mix. Then we drove in her car the short amount to our rental house where we were for my little sister's birthday party. We sat against the wall talking about Les Misérables.

This is a journal entry about the last time I saw her (July 18th, 2021):

August 28th, 2021. Saturday evening.

I want to write a little bit about the last time I saw Sophie and Acacia, which was at their sister's shower at Oma’s on July 18th, because I wrote very little and did not even mention Sophie….

She was not always the most loyal friend...but I know she loved me, and highly valued me and our friendship. She loved all her cousins, and when she was with them it was like she did not want to be anywhere else or spend time with any other group of kids. She was a very close and dear companion through my childhood years - the dearest; it is so sad to think that she will only be from the first seventeen years of my life. I had so many dreams about our growing up time: she was to be my maid of honour, we were going to get together often and our kids were going to play together like cousins, we could have even travelled together….

Every time I was with Sophie, our conversations would move rapidly because we knew so well what the other person was thinking and viewed the world similarly. And yet the last two times I saw her it was a little awkward because we were trying to avoid the grad subject. Before the shower on the 18th, I prayed that I could have a good conversation with her. Near the end, we were standing between the fridge and the island and we had a fairly short but good talk. Then I asked her if we could go out to see Oma’s garden and she agreed. We looked at it and maybe said a few things, but went inside for it was very hot that day. We sat on the couch together and our auntie gave us grad gifts: a pretty mug and a $10 gift card for Tim Hortons wrapped in a box by our cousin. We were sort of just lounging and we took a selfie together to thank him. I don’t particularly like the picture, though.

I most likely gave her a hug and said goodbye, and that was that - the last goodbye. I am crying as I write this. I cannot believe that that very real, dear Sophie is gone. I would like to write more about her, but I will save that for another time. Those funny, joyful memories.

I suppose this post is just that!

The Last Time by Casting Crowns

If I had only known the last time would be the last time...

I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you

'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing

And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time

But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased

And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The Last Goodbye from The Hobbit

I saw the light fade from the sky On the wind I heard a sigh As the snowflakes cover my fallen cousins I will say this last goodbye... And though where the road then takes me I cannot tell We came all this way But now comes the day To bid you farewell

Many places I have been Many sorrows I have seen But I don't regret Nor will I forget All who took that road with me

"To die so young is more than merely dying; it is to lose so large a part of life."

- James Otis, Johnny Tremain, by Esther Forbes

Dancing Queen by Abba

You are the dancing queen

Young and sweet

Only seventeen

21 Years by Toby Mac

Why would You give and then take her away?

Suddenly end, could You not let it fade?

What I would give for a couple o' days

A couple o' days...

Well, until this show is over

And you've run into my arms

God has you in Heaven

But I have you in my heart...

Somebody said, "She was meant for this"

But I'm just straight missing her

These songs and quotes are sorrowful and forlorn, and there are many times when all we can feel is what those words express. But with a heavenly perspective, death it is just a parting until we meet again. The seventeen years we had with Sophie and the fifteen years we had with Acacia were a wonderful gift from God. We do not sorrow as those who have no hope, and then we will always be with the Lord. I desire to comfort you with these words. As we await that great day when we will see Jesus, those girls and others who have gone before us, let us not waste our time on this earth on anything that will not be for God's glory!